rotten bananas + love = delicious banana muffins

when i'm not feeling creative with what piper should have for mealtime, i usually go to my old standby...bananas.  suffice it to say...piper eats a lot of bananas.  except for this week, because we ended up with a few rotten bananas.  yessss...banana muffin time.

i've been trying to be a little healthier lately, because all of this baking has made me fat (can't call it baby fat anymore...), so i substituted the butter with oil, and since i had already done that i decided to make them vegan and used and egg substitute (soy milk and lemon juice).  THEN i added blueberries and put a streusel topping (not vegan...) on them...and YUM.  definitely the best ones i've ever made.  the only thing i will change next time is i will use smaller blueberries.  i was just using some frozen ones i had bought a while ago, and they were a little tart in the middle...but besides that they were fantastic.

anywho, piper is for some reason awake and screaming up in her crib, despite the fact that she just went to bed and hour ago.  this girl just does not like to sleep.  i, however, love to sleep.  oh well.  i must attend to my little love.

what to do, what to do....

do you ever feel like you ask yourself this question about seventy thousand times a day?  maybe its just me.  i feel like i'm in a constant battle with what i love to do and what is responsible to do.  i love to bake...but i need money.  money makes the freakin' world go round.....or not, as in my case.  i am a firm believer in doing what you love.  i would rather bake and struggle for money than hate my job and be a millionaire...is that okay?  i certainly thought it was fine for the majority of my life, but now that i have little piper to take care of, and am working many little jobs to keep our heads above water, i wonder.  should i try to be interested in something else?  or maybe God made me this way for a reason.  not everyone is meant to be the CEO of a multi million dollar company.  the thought of sitting in an for 8 hours a day makes me want to gauge my eyes out with a spoon, no matter how fun pam and jim make it look.  i want piper to look at my life when she is old enough and be inspired that i did what i believed i was meant to do.  i don't want her to see that i got stuck working a dead end job because of a difficult circumstance.  i want her to know that she inspires me to do what i love to do, even when its not easy.   i am holding on to hope that doing what i love AND being financially stable CAN coexist in my life.  it has to be possible.

travel bug......

lately i've had this sort of travel bug that i've never had before in my life (my young, carefree, babyless life....).  i think its because the notion of traveling at this point in my life seems completely impossible for a number of reasons.  i am currently coping with that.  you DO always want what you can't have!  (let me make a side note here that i am not regretting my life right now.  i love being a mom and i love piper with my whole heart...i'm just thinking i should have taken advantage of freedom when i had it......thats all.  don't read too deeply into this.)

anywho, i mention this, because i have spent my evening playing cribbage with my dad (i won one, he won one.  i hate ties....), white watching the food network.  more specifically, "diners, drive ins, and dives."  its my favorite.  this guy (whos name is incidentally, Guy.), travels around the country going to these ma and pa restaurants, goes into their kitchens, and watches them work.  they show him their recipes (except for the secret parts...), and how they do what they love.  it is completely inspiring.  these people open restaurants and make the food that they like the way that they like it, completely from scratch, the way it should be done.  they love what they do and their customers rave about it.  there was this one place called Y J's snack bar in kansas city, and i want to go to there.  NOW.  its this traveling hippie dude who cooks food from all over the world...inspired by his travels.  he gets in shipments from brazil and india, and blablabla.  he works out of this teeny tiny 2 burner kitchen with an outside grill, and creates the most unbelievable food i've ever seen in my life.  when are they going to invent taste-o-vision!!?!?  his customers are hippies and artists and cool, laid back people who love everything that he makes.  his place also has baked goods and coffee....oh my gosh.  if i could travel the world and go to different coffee shops, and nothing else...............i would.  that would be fantastic.

i was hoping that maybe these last 2 days of posts would distract you from the fact that i have done nothing for PiperBellies.  i've been working 4 mini jobs to try to make ends meet (its not working...), so i've been busy.  what can i say.  i am liking blogging though...its nice so sit back and reflect a little bit on your day and BREATHE.

crazy world.

we live in a world where a 5 minute earthquake can destroy a country, taking the lives of tens of thousands of mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, brothers, and sisters.  in a world where children are exposed to horrors their innocent minds should never have to bear.  where people kill each other over money.  where families don't talk for years over a silly argument.  where a promise to stay together till death means virtually nothing to most.  we live in a world where people just don't talk about the thing that is between them, screaming in their faces.  in a world where a sudden illness can leave the strongest person hanging on to life by a thread.  in a world where the will to live is just lost somewhere along the way.

we also live in a world with a sovereign God, who hold the world in his arms.  where children remind their parents of the joy that this life contains.  where the sun sets, painting the sky in the most beautiful array of color you're ever seen, only to expose a never ending blanket of stars when it melts away.  we live in a world where miracles happen every day.  where love can mend the deepest wounds.  where music can make our souls fly in a way we haven't felt since we were children.  and we live in a world where the right cookie can make the world and all its trouble melt away, for at least a moment.

peanut butter lovers.

i have had a fantastic life this month (most of the time), because my brother, alex, has been home on winter break.  he goes to school in freaking virginia, so i don't see him very much.  today, for his last day at home, we went to portsmouth (the best place in NH), and ate some sandwiches, drank some lattes, and spent some money that we didn't have.  it was great.  THEN my mom made his favorite dish for a goodbye dinner (chicken pot pie......yum!), and i finished his hat which i made him for christmas (it needed surgury...all better.), and we watched a knights tale (i miss heath.), AND THEN i made a cake which we devoured some peanut butter chocolate cake.  oh. yes.  as alex described it," it was a peanut butter cup with the sexiness to the tenth degree."  i have nothing else to say about that.

chocolate cake..(my grammy's recipe.  flawless.) and this rich, creamy, smooth, YUMMY peanut butter frosting.  2 layers.  finely chopped dark chocolate showered all over the top of it.

peanut butter and chocolate.
the perfect couple.
i hope to someday be blessed with a marriage as lovely as theirs.

still spicy...

SO piper and i got an unwelcome early start this morning (she hates to sleep), so i decided that while she was eating breakfast and playing with her zillions of toys and whatnot, that i needed to do SOMETHING so as not to fall asleep...so i made spicy chocolate cookies to see if they would be any better than the brownies...and they were better, but still not great.  there really was nothing wrong with them...great flavor, great spice, moist cookie....i just feel defeated by the brownie, and think i will not be satisfied until i win.  so i did a little research on how to make fudgy brownies, and learned that you need to add more chocolate AND an extra egg yolk!  i had no idea.  SO.  that is what i'll do next..........to be continued...again.

friends and hats and paypal.

so today i went to visit a very good friend of mine (with another very good friend of mine...) who is very sick in mass general hospital.  it was fantastic to see her.  she is the strongest person i know, and she will pull through this.  she has amazed doctors already.  she is my hero.

also, i got to spend the day w/ someone who has been my friend for years, and never lets me forget how thankful i am to have her.  she lets me talk and talk and talk about the same thing for hours...just because i need to talk about it....and maybe she does to.  i am very blessed.

tonight, instead of baking, i crocheted a hat for an order (my first...and a surprise one at that!) and hung out with my beautiful little girl who was supposed to be sleeping, but instead lied on my lap for about an hour smiling at me.....just cause she loves me.  oh boy.  she is my heart living outside of my body.

and then!  i just set up a paypal account so that people can pay for piperbellies that they order no matter where they are in the world...no more mailing checks...geesh...it IS 2010, you know.